March 2012
62 posts
Would you rather…
Watch premium cable on demand from the comfort of your bed OR frantically hunt for two escaped black dogs at night? GUESS WHICH ONE I JUST DID.
And like, of course, of fucking course, the first thing I did was call my mom (bc it was either that or call the people I’m housesitting for) and sure enough, she talked me down and solved my problem. From 300 miles away....
February 2012
67 posts
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Oh my god!
Now, when you’re in a public ladies bathroom, and you hear a wrapper rustling in the next stall over, seven days out of the week, that is a fellow lady and a tampon. It always is. But I’m really sure that the girl next to me just now opened some Skittles or something because there was rustling then chewing!
I want to meet that girl! I want to be that girl!
WHAT THE FUCK...
Kids, we are so close to being done with the hell month. The end is near.
Let’s all hold hands and close our eyes and think of hot tubs. No more stress waking up at 2am, then again 7 minutes before the alarm goes off. Fuck that noise. From this point forward, all our pain will be champagne, praise be to Kanye.
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Amy: Just started GoT. Mud, incest, politics: this one's got it all.
Agustin: I've read the entire series. 12 year old Agustin would have had a boner the entire time... so does 27 year old Agustin.
A pair of colorblock pumps, a new iPhone, a MLBTV subscription, a night of serious drinking, all the other bear necessities, and my credit card bill is what?!
That hurt. Work hard, spend hard I guess.
I can’t get that Beyonce video out of my head!
All that pain! All that strength! I was thinking, is this beautiful? And then I was like, idk if it’s beautiful, but it’s true. And then I was like, oh dang! Beauty is truth, truth beauty—that is all ye know on Earth! And all ye need to know!
And then I was amazed that I learned something in college.
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“He is long winded… like his farts.”
– Marley
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That perfect balance and wisdom between patience/inaction and impetuousness/agency: I will never fucking get it.
Oh well. Every problem is just a puzzle to be solved, even if I’m not as intuitive as I would like to be. Sharpen your knives!
10:41 into Being Elmo and there are tears. teeeeeaaaaaarrrrsss.
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Sometimes, the week ends, and all you’ve managed to do is Febreze and Tide pen your clothes. Sometimes, this is qualifies as a total failure. Sometimes, it is nothing short of a momentous victory.
Ugh.
Attached, please find an incomplete list of the companies my grandmother has called and complained to.
Best,
Amy
Yogurtland. The complaint: their product melted too quickly. She wanted her money back.
Clairol (or in her exact words, Lady Clairol. These complaints were lodged either in the 1950s or the 1300s.) The complaint: she uses Clairol hair dye. Her shampoo (note: not Clairol brand)...
Amy: Oh nooo! I left my weed in that jacket!
Marley: Ooooh your smoking jacket.
“Four people Liked your comment. I think there’s a good chance of you...”
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“You’re really funny tonight! I just wanna stay home and drink a bottle of...”
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“I wanna give high fives to all you guys!”
– Marley, on Galentine’s Day
Time to switch gears from Lana Del Rey to Pink Martini, from leftover In N Out to Baked French Toast Casserole, because it’s Galentine’s Day at apartment 4!
Numerous boys have wished us a happy Galentine’s day; some have even donated items. I feel very fortunate to have such good eggs (and devoted dads) in my life. I choo-choo choose all of you.
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Listen
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Groupwise is like Outlook’s deformed stepbrother. It basically has an arm growing out of its fucking forehead. Its father is Netscape Navigator, and its mother is a mouth breather who works at the DMV.
Do you know how hard life is when you can’t search by an email’s content? Do you know how organized I have to be? Do you know how organized I am? Not that organized! I...